When everything starts off perfect you end up with false hope. It is scary when everything goes from perfect to sickening, horrifying and everything else. I lay beside my pond, listening to the birds sing, and the wind blows through my face. Making me think of my past, the one thing that I wish could disappear. My names Alyssa, I am fifteen years old, and I have lived in Texas my whole life. My story started three months ago on my birthday.
My parents were trying to be cool, and get me the best birthday present ever. It wasn’t, it turned bad. They got me a trip to a island no one ever heard of, and live with a family that my parents think are perfect. This trip is for me, I just didn’t want to go to an island. I have a small fear of oceans. I love adventure. Two days after my birthday I was on a private jet with three bodyguards. I was very bored even though this plane had every video game known to man, along with a whole collection of movies. I was so bored, the guards wouldn’t talk.
“Go to sleep.” The first guard said that was sitting behind me. “We have a long flight, and when we wake up we will be on the island.” It was the first time they had talked to me and I wanted to know more about this place, but I felt a pull, as my eyes were forced shut. I fell asleep without even being tired.
Warm arms were around me as I came to. They were holding me tight against them, letting me sleep. He had strong arms, and a tight stomach, that I fit into perfectly. I slowly looked into his face and didn’t recognize him at all. “Ahhhh.” I screamed surprising him, but not letting go of me. “Let go of me. “ I screamed at him. He calmly shook his head no.
“Alyssa, calm down I’m not going to hurt you. You need to calm down. Go back to sleep.” He told me calmly.
“No!” I told him strongly. “I don’t need to sleep. Who are you? Let. Go. Of. Me.” He shook his head again. “Why not?”
“Because I like holding you. Now relax. My name is Shane.”
“Why am I here?”
“Another time, were here.”
“What?”
“Home.”
“Put me down now. I can walk. This is not my home.” I told him strongly. His only answer was to walk inside a medieval castle, up the stairs, and into a beautiful room. Placing me on a black and red bed.
“How much do you know?” he ask me.
“Absolutley nothing.” I reply.
“okay, I’ll start slow. I am your fiancé.” He said.
“What? Your crazy my parents wouldn’t do that.” I tell him in a rage. I reach into my pocket, and take out my phone.
“What are you doing?” Shane asked me.
“Shut-up!” I quickly dial my moms cell. “Mom. Tell me it isn’t true.”
“I’m sorry sweety, it is.” My mom says.
“I have to marry him, and he said start off slow which means there is more.” I said looking at Shane. He shakes his head yes. “You knew all of it didn’t you, mom.”
“Yes.” She reply’s.
“I hate you. Of all the things you could do, not only do you sell me off, you lie to me. Geez thanks mom.” I say angrily, clicking my phone shut. Shane looks at me for a moment. “There is more?” I ask him.
He shakes his head yes. “But right now you need sleep, I can tell we will talk more tomorrow.” He moves quickly, picking me up, and placing me under the covers, knowing that I would protest.
“I’m not tired.” He looks at me for a second, right before I yawn, and I realize I really am tired.
“Yes you are I can tell. Now sleep my princess.” He whispers to me, right before my eyes fall asleep.
I keep running, with sweat running down my face. Trying to escape from him, the guy that hurt me so bad. “Hello sweetheart, ready to go back” he whispers into my ear. Putting his arms around me, he lifts me up, throwing me across his shoulder, and running back to his house to the basement. Hanging me the same place as last week when I did something wrong. “Your going to wish you didn’t run away.”
Striking the wip across my back, I scream “Ahhhhh.” Then everything blurs from my tears. Then I feel him do it again, and again. Until I feel myself shaking, and I awake with a start. “Don’t touch me, stop, just stop.” I look around, and find myself being held by Shane. Tears still pour down my face. “It was just a dream.” I repeat to myself over and over, as my past becomes the horror again, as I bury my head into his chest, just wanting to feel safe for once.
Shane wakes up with a start, when he hears me whispering, and clinging to him closely. I don’t want to ever let him go. I am still shaking, as my mind fills with the memories of the past. The beatings, the pain, the kidnapping everything. I was blubbering nonsense, the whole time.
“Alyssa, calm down. I’m here. Whatever happened I won’t let it. Tell me. Tell me what happened. I swear it was just dream.” Shane told me, freezing my mind for a second.
I looked into his eyes, and told him, still blubbering “it wasn’t a bad dream, it was memories. You don’t need to worry, it happens every night.”
He looked down at me with care in his eyes, “I want to make it stop, so tell me how to make it go away. I want to make things easier for you. What happened to make you so scared, and to dream about it every night.”
“It doesn’t matter. Besides, why do you care? Just because you’re my fiancé doesn’t mean you have to care.” I told him staring into his eyes.
“I care, because…. I love you.” he told me. “Now go back to sleep, it’s three a.m.”
“You can’t love me. No one….” I stumbled for words, and he took that advantage.
“Alyssa, how can you dought me. How? I love you for you, I didn’t get money for you, if that’s what you think, and guess what I picked you. The reasons why will be explained tomorrow, after you have had some more sleep. Please go to sleep.” Shane told me, staring into my eye’s.
“What if I want to be distracted? What if I don’t want to focus on going back to sleep, because it will just bring back the nightmares, of the past, and I don’t want to feel that again?”
“What do you want to talk about?” Shane asked, leaning back into the pillows letting go of me.
“I want to know more about you.”
“like...”
“Why did you choose me?” I ask, looking at him, as he closes his eyes.
“Next.”
“But….”
“No buts, I told you I would answer that after you have had some sleep, and learned to trust me.” Shane told me.
“Hey, all you said in the beginning was about sleep.”
“Well, I was hoping it would help you sleep, looks like I was wrong, so I added on the one that mattered. Now is there anything else, that doesn’t concern about why I picked you.” he asked me calmly, still staring at the ceiling.
I looked around the room, and spoke my thoughts, “This is a beautiful room.”
“I designed it with you in mind.” Shane said, interrupting my thoughts.
“How long did you know I was coming?”
“For a while, do you want to watch a movie?” Shane asked me.
“Sure.”
“Any preferences?”
“As long as it isn’t scary, and has some action.” I told him, still staring around the room.
“Okay, I’ll be back in a moment.” He said, as he exited the bed. I looked over at him suddenly, and he could see the panic plainly in my face. “I’ll just be a minute, I promise.”
My eyes quickly diverted to the bed, “I’m fine, go.” I told him, trying to act indifferent. I hate myself for doing that, I don’t need to act weak, ever. That would be a very bad thing. If you’re weak, you can’t have control, you can’t control the situation. That is scary. Plus the last time, I acted weak, I was beat for it. The rules of life never let anyone see or hear you cry, always do what the boss says never question him or else, the two rules that have never left my head since that faithful day. The one delivered by the people that took me.
Suddenly, I felt arms worm around me, “Don’t be scared, about anything. I am here. I will always be here, to protect, to love, and everything else. I promise you.” Shane told me in soothing words. His chin was sitting on top of my hair, I could feel his chest rise and fall.
“I’m fine. I promise.” I told him, the best I could.
“Don’t lie to me. I can see that something is wrong, that there is something that happened to you. You want to tell me, but you’re scared, I don’t know of what, but I will find out. Please tell me, I’m begging you.” Shane asked in a pleading voice.
In my mind I was fighting two voices, one said tell him, he can help, but the other said you can’t tell him, what happens if your past happens again. The second one won. “What movie are we watching?” I asked Shane. You could hear him groan loudly at this.
“I’m going to have to go grab one, from the movie room.” Shane told me, in a soft voice.
“Okay, go.” I told him, staring at a wall.
“How about no…”
“What?”
Saturday, June 13, 2009
time to give up? chapter two
The cold wind ripped through me like ice. He noticed immediately, taking off his coat, and shrugging it over me. I looked up at him, since he was way taller than me, a question on my lips. He looked down at me suddenly, “just ask.” He said to me.
“What if I have a lot?” I asked him.
He laughed aloud. “You can ask me whatever you like.” He told me looking into my eyes.
“Well, for starters your name would be helpful.”
“ohhhh, right. How stupid of me to forget of something so important. My apologizes, I’m Shane, my dear Alyssa.”
I stopped on the sidewalk immediately, making him turn to me. He looked at me for an instant then, realized his mistake. “Look, I’ve known you for a while, so I took an interest in you, and…” he trailed off for a second. “ If you want the whole truth it has to wait till, after you make your choice.”
“Shane. I’ve made my choice. I don’t want to live on the streets I want to live with you if it’s okay.” I told him. I didn’t know what made me want to trust him, or put my life in his hands, I just felt like if I was to part from him I would get hurt so bad.
He laughed aloud, and then surprised me, by taking my body into his arms, and swinging me around. “Alyssa, of course I don’t mind. I invited you, remember? You will always be welcome in my house. Do you want to go home to eat, or out somewhere?” he asked, still holding my frail body in his strong arms.
“If it’s alright I would like to go to your home.”
“We can, and it’s your home now too.” He told me, bringing his mouth upon mine. Making my mouth burst in flames, as his lips moved with mine, making it feel like magic. He pulled away, breathlessly. “You have no clue how long I’ve been wanting to do that to you.” He said confusing me, while still holding me against his body.
“What?” I asked in disbelief.
“Shhh.” He told me. “I’ll explain everything tomorrow, right now just sleep, you need it.”
“But, we aren’t even at your house yet?”
He swung me up in his arms bridle style, and told me in a calm voice, “Now, can you sleep?”
“Yes, don’t leave.” I told him relaxing in his arms, with my eyelids jut about to drop.
“Don’t worry I never will.” Was the last thing I heard, as my eyes closed in contentment for the first time in a long time.
My eyelids felt heavy as I opened them slowly, to be met with sunshine streaming through blinds right beside me. I looked around to see myself in a queen bed, with a black and white bedspread that spun together in spirals, letting me get lost in the vortex. My eyes wandered around the rest of the room, where I found the room I had always dreamed of. First off, it was huge, and the theme was one I had dreamed of but never got the guts to make. I don’t have the patience to design a room, or even come up with a theme; it gets to confusing in my head. It was perfect.
It had a black swivel chair, that hung from the ceiling, by the window, and the window took up the whole side of the wall, letting me look out onto a field full of trees, grass, a pond, and horses. The other walls were amazing it had black and white photos every were, of cities, flowers, planes, and the most surprising, was the one of my whole family, me real family, in black white, blown up, and covering, one whole wall. I loved it. It was behind my bed but I could see all there faces, as they smiled at me. Tears fell down my face as I see me laughing, having an arm around Meghdi, and Mat, my sister smiling with Nazzi, and my parents hugging, while smiling warmly into the camera. Then my brother and his girl friend Jade on the side, kissing, with Ali behind them. My family, even though not all of them were blood, loving, caring, my rock, the people that never made me feel unwanted. All they did was love me, I miss them.
I stared at that picture for an hour remembering the good times, with my family, and the dinners we would share. I forced myself to look away, to look at everything else. It is amazing, with black and white walls, like my comforter, and a TV in front of my bed, and on my mahogany bedside table, stood a docking stand with my IPod, sitting in the cradle. “Yessss.” I screamed allowed. The thing I loved to depend on was back. I smiled as I stared all around room to see a set of Chester drawers, with a mirror above it matching my nightstand, and bed frame. That’s when I saw it.
A camera, to be specific, my sisters. I always wanted to get into photography, but I didn’t want to take that away from my sister, it was something for her to be proud of. I sighed in gratitude, and amazement, as I let myself fall back onto the most comfortable bed I had ever been on.
That’s when it occurred to me, ‘How would anyone know how to design my room that I hadn’t told anyone about, ever. And where am I? The last thing I remember is Shane telling me he would never leave, and he would never hurt me. I wonder if he’s telling the truth.’ I quickly pulled of my blanket, to see myself in the same clothes as last night. Thank god, it scared for a second. ‘How could I be so stupid? I basically delivered myself to him, and let him do whatever he wanted to me. I really am stupid.’ I thought to myself. If that ever happened to me again, I don’t know what I would do. Tears feel again as I remembered the first night, as the sun sank below the horizon I knew it was going to be bad.
My new dad was drunk, the first thing I heard that sent me on eggshells was, “Come here whore.” My stepdad yelled from the kitchen, I walked in, as he was taking off his belt.
“Hey, I hope you like your room. I thought it suited you.” Shane said, walking to my room, expelling me from those horrible thoughts of the past. His voice faded at the end, as he saw the tears coming from my eyes. I didn’t see him, I just felt his arms wrap around me, enfolding me in warmth and comfort, I put my arms around him, and buried my head in his chest, just letting it all out. He didn’t say anything, just held me. I was thankful. At this moment I didn’t care who he was I just wanted to feel safe, just for a little a while.
After a few minutes, I gained control, and slowly unwrapped myself of his arms, pulling back, and leaning on the headboard. “Sorry you had to see that. I didn’t mean for you to.” I told him softly.
“I told you, I will be here for you, no matter what. If you need someone to depend on I’m here.” He told me in just as quiet voice moving slowly to lean beside me.
“Why do you care for me?” I asked him slowly.
“If I told you, would you believe me?”
“I believe a lot things, and the fact that I haven’t woken up from this dream, is a good sign. After all your dreams that you sent to me I will believe anything.” I told him truthfully.
He smiled slightly, and started to slowly, tell me the truth. “This isn’t a dream, I promise. I don’t know how to prove it. I will tell you that your step dad will never touch again. You won’t have to see him ever again, I guarantee it. You don’t have to be scared; I won’t hurt you, like he did…”
“Shut-up! I don’t want to hear that you won’t do this or this; I just want to hear the truth, about why you care so much about me. A girl that lost her family, and had to go to a foster home, were everything that could go wrong did. Why would you want to help someone I an alley, where there about to end their lives, to go somewhere better. I just want an answer, not what you’re going or not going to do.” I spat at him angrily, in disbelief that he would bring any of my past up, he doesn’t even know me.
“Fine. You want an answer, I’ll give you one. I love you.” He paused for a moment to read my face, which was in total disbelief. I had never been loved this way. I was shocked. “Ever since I saw you being born in Texas, I knew it. You were beautiful, and you fought so hard just to stay alive, I knew that you were always going to be a fighter and that every once a while you would crash, and hit rock bottom, but you would make it through. You’ve made it through once now, I know you can make it one more time, but I need to know can you trust me?”
I looked at him in total disbelief, how could you have known about my birth or depression; before my parents were killed, and how could he even remember anything like that, at that age. “How did you know about me? How do you remember all the way back to my birth, and how do you know about my depression?” I asked him, stuttering through it.
He looked at me, sadness covering his eyes. “Don’t run. I promise I won’t hurt you.” If I wasn’t on edge before, I now was. “I am a vampire, and I saw you that day, because my best friend was killed,
and yes, he was a human. Ever since that day, I’ve been following you to make sure you were safe.”
“Is that how you went into my dreams?” He shook his head yes. “You followed me to make sure I was safe?” he shook his head yes, again. “When was I ever safe this past year? How?” my voice kept rising, until it was in a shout. “When that bastard beat me those nights, and left me on the floor to bleed to death, or was it when he …” My voice stopped, I couldn’t say it allowed, I would get whipped even worse if I ever saw him again.
“I’m sorry Alyssa, I would’ve got you out of there faster, but I ran into some complications. What did he do? I wasn’t here. I was busy.” He told me, staring at a wall.
“I’ll give you a deal; I’ll tell you if you tell me what you were doing.” I told him, I wasn’t just going to plain out tell him, I had to get something in return.
“I can’t tell you. It would break the rules.” He told me still staring at the wall.
“Well then I can’t tell you.” I said simply. He shook his head in understanding.
He looked at the wall for a second, regaining his poseur I guessed, “Why don’t I show you the rest of the house. I think you will like it.” He said standing up. He took my hand pulling me to my feet, sending my flailing body into his rock hard chest. My head just met his chest.
“Can I clean up first?” I asked him, still slightly scared for some reason, maybe it was that he was a vampire, or could it be that I’m falling for him, way to fast. The last time I was in a relationship I got hurt.
“Of course, and Alyssa there’s nothing to be scared of I promise.” He told me, pulling me into a warm hug. I leaned against him for support, trying to keep my composure. How did he know? How did he read my mind?
“How?” I whispered to him.
“Well, every vampire is born with something special, mine was mind reading. I can choose to read minds, or not, your expression was too much for me, I had to” He laughed aloud. I smiled a little, but hated that he could read my mind, that would mean that he could know.
“Please don’t anymore, I like my space.” I told him,
“Okay, and no, I haven’t read it before, well I did once right after the fire, but all I got was blabbering of nothing. The bathroom is through the door beside your bed, take as long as you need. There are clothes in a closet in there; I think I got your sizes, and style right. I will wait in here.” He said to me sitting down on the bed, looking at me expectantly to go. I turned my back, and rushed into the bathroom, to find a bathroom that I loved even more then my room.
I knew that the bathroom was going to be my sanctuary, along with my room. The bathroom was like an ocean, with blues mixing all around me, letting me get lost in a sea of light, and then my favorite part of the wall, a sun, painted showering me in warmth. Oranges, and reds mixed perfectly with the blue. I don’t know how he knew that my favorite place in the world was the beach, where all my worries would wash away. My eyes traveled around to find even more then I expected. I had thrones room, a steam shower, and a Jacuzzi full of jets. I squealed in excitement, and heard a quiet laugh from the other side of the door.
That’s when I noticed the dreaded wall. The thing that I’ve hated for a long time, a mirror, covering a whole wall of the bathroom. I looked at it in disgust, not for what it was, but what I saw. Standing before me was a 16 year old girl, with brown hair in mats atop my head, along with bones sticking out everywhere, showing my thinness off even more then what it should. Then the part that I hated the most the scars covering every inch of her body, baring her life story on her arms, legs, back, everywhere. That’s when I looked down at me, and saw that girl was me, not someone else. I wanted to see the girl from six months ago, the one going strong, and she was happy. I wanted to be happy again, but I knew that would never happen.
As soon as I thought about my past I turned around, and regretted ever looking at my reflection, or bringing up something that I can’t have again. I stripped out of my clothes quickly, a black shirt stained with my blood, and a pair of blue jeans two or three sizes to big for me. I threw them to a corner of the room, vowing to never look at them again. I immediately turned and ran to the shower, turning it on to be met with freezing cold water, I jumped a little but I was used to it. My body was freezing but it warmed up pretty quickly, making me start to relax even more. I washed my hair with a apple scented shampoo and conditioner. As the water ran down the my body washing away my past, or at least the physical part, the water was a mix of red and brown.
I don’t know how long I stayed in there; finally I left the warmth, and wrapped up in a big, comfy white towel. Walking into the closet I found everything that I love, from Hollister, to Rue 21. Everything that I would have worn the past six months was here. Everything came flooding back at me, all the memories of the past, and then the realization that the guy that took me in is a vampire, and I’m trusting him with my life. I’m going to die. I guess I lead a good life, and now there won’t be that much pain. My knees gave out from underneath me, sending me crashing to the fall. Everything crashed around me, avalanches piled onto my brain, full of memories of everything.
“Alyssa, Alyssa.” My mom called to me downstairs, forcing me to get up from typing to Mercedes on the computer. “Come down here real quick I have something to show you.” It axially sounded like she was happy about this thing, it must be something good. I raced down stairs, to find my mom with my dad leaning against the counter smiles plastered on their faces. “Alyssa,” my mom starts slowly. “We have a surprise for you.” I wait with round eyes, when my dad reaches into his back pocket revealing an envelope with the insignia of British Airways, airline service to take me across the ocean blue I hoped. I screamed jumping up and down with excitement, “Alyssa, we have agreed to let you go to Europe, and England on a few requirements. They are…” I stopped listening to my mom all I heard was, I was going to England.
I screamed in excitement till I heard the man of nightmares come in, “Hello whore, where is my dinner. I’m hungry.” My so called foster dad asked me, or told me realistically. I set about doing his dinner, thinking ‘How can I go from my parents telling me the good news to be about to be beat.’ All of sudden I felt a sharp pain to my cheek, and another, and another. I fell to the floor, but don’t remember how hard my body hit.
“Ahh.” I moaned as I sat up in my bed. My head hurt a lot, for some reason.
“You gave me quite a scare there you know.” A guy beside me said, I looked up at him, and that is when it all came back to me, Shane, a vampire was sitting beside me, ready to drink my blood and I axially let him take me to his home. Wow I am an idiot. Who does he think I am, some schoolgirl that will believe anything.
“Prove it.” I challenged.
“Fine, do you want to change first, or are you good in that?” He asked, as I looked down at myself, in soccer shorts, and a shirt. “I would recommend something warmer, it is a tad bit cold out, and I’m sorry that I had to change you, but I promise I didn’t look.” He told me, and then under his breath, “That much.”
“okay, give me a minute.” I told him, getting up off the bed, and racing to the bathroom. Entering the closet, I closed the door, and forced myself to think of something else, and not of my past. I thought of the fact, was he a real vampire? They don’t exist, right? I kept thinking about this as I went through the closet, and found a pair of blue jeans that were loose while not baggy perfect for me. Along with a blue long sleeve American Eagle shirt, one of my favorites, that I saw in the store a few weeks back.
I returned to my room to find him on the couch waiting for me. “Hey,” he said as I entered. “You still don’t believe me do you?”
“Nope.” I told him, standing a few feet away from him.
“Hmm, I guess I have to change that.” He said, with a grin on his face.
“What?” I asked as I felt his arms constrict around me, swinging me into his chest, and jumping out the window covering the whole wall. “Ahhh.” I screamed, burring my head into his warm chest. I felt his chest shake as he chuckled. As the air rushed around us, sending me into amazement, and a panic attack at the same time.
“What if I have a lot?” I asked him.
He laughed aloud. “You can ask me whatever you like.” He told me looking into my eyes.
“Well, for starters your name would be helpful.”
“ohhhh, right. How stupid of me to forget of something so important. My apologizes, I’m Shane, my dear Alyssa.”
I stopped on the sidewalk immediately, making him turn to me. He looked at me for an instant then, realized his mistake. “Look, I’ve known you for a while, so I took an interest in you, and…” he trailed off for a second. “ If you want the whole truth it has to wait till, after you make your choice.”
“Shane. I’ve made my choice. I don’t want to live on the streets I want to live with you if it’s okay.” I told him. I didn’t know what made me want to trust him, or put my life in his hands, I just felt like if I was to part from him I would get hurt so bad.
He laughed aloud, and then surprised me, by taking my body into his arms, and swinging me around. “Alyssa, of course I don’t mind. I invited you, remember? You will always be welcome in my house. Do you want to go home to eat, or out somewhere?” he asked, still holding my frail body in his strong arms.
“If it’s alright I would like to go to your home.”
“We can, and it’s your home now too.” He told me, bringing his mouth upon mine. Making my mouth burst in flames, as his lips moved with mine, making it feel like magic. He pulled away, breathlessly. “You have no clue how long I’ve been wanting to do that to you.” He said confusing me, while still holding me against his body.
“What?” I asked in disbelief.
“Shhh.” He told me. “I’ll explain everything tomorrow, right now just sleep, you need it.”
“But, we aren’t even at your house yet?”
He swung me up in his arms bridle style, and told me in a calm voice, “Now, can you sleep?”
“Yes, don’t leave.” I told him relaxing in his arms, with my eyelids jut about to drop.
“Don’t worry I never will.” Was the last thing I heard, as my eyes closed in contentment for the first time in a long time.
My eyelids felt heavy as I opened them slowly, to be met with sunshine streaming through blinds right beside me. I looked around to see myself in a queen bed, with a black and white bedspread that spun together in spirals, letting me get lost in the vortex. My eyes wandered around the rest of the room, where I found the room I had always dreamed of. First off, it was huge, and the theme was one I had dreamed of but never got the guts to make. I don’t have the patience to design a room, or even come up with a theme; it gets to confusing in my head. It was perfect.
It had a black swivel chair, that hung from the ceiling, by the window, and the window took up the whole side of the wall, letting me look out onto a field full of trees, grass, a pond, and horses. The other walls were amazing it had black and white photos every were, of cities, flowers, planes, and the most surprising, was the one of my whole family, me real family, in black white, blown up, and covering, one whole wall. I loved it. It was behind my bed but I could see all there faces, as they smiled at me. Tears fell down my face as I see me laughing, having an arm around Meghdi, and Mat, my sister smiling with Nazzi, and my parents hugging, while smiling warmly into the camera. Then my brother and his girl friend Jade on the side, kissing, with Ali behind them. My family, even though not all of them were blood, loving, caring, my rock, the people that never made me feel unwanted. All they did was love me, I miss them.
I stared at that picture for an hour remembering the good times, with my family, and the dinners we would share. I forced myself to look away, to look at everything else. It is amazing, with black and white walls, like my comforter, and a TV in front of my bed, and on my mahogany bedside table, stood a docking stand with my IPod, sitting in the cradle. “Yessss.” I screamed allowed. The thing I loved to depend on was back. I smiled as I stared all around room to see a set of Chester drawers, with a mirror above it matching my nightstand, and bed frame. That’s when I saw it.
A camera, to be specific, my sisters. I always wanted to get into photography, but I didn’t want to take that away from my sister, it was something for her to be proud of. I sighed in gratitude, and amazement, as I let myself fall back onto the most comfortable bed I had ever been on.
That’s when it occurred to me, ‘How would anyone know how to design my room that I hadn’t told anyone about, ever. And where am I? The last thing I remember is Shane telling me he would never leave, and he would never hurt me. I wonder if he’s telling the truth.’ I quickly pulled of my blanket, to see myself in the same clothes as last night. Thank god, it scared for a second. ‘How could I be so stupid? I basically delivered myself to him, and let him do whatever he wanted to me. I really am stupid.’ I thought to myself. If that ever happened to me again, I don’t know what I would do. Tears feel again as I remembered the first night, as the sun sank below the horizon I knew it was going to be bad.
My new dad was drunk, the first thing I heard that sent me on eggshells was, “Come here whore.” My stepdad yelled from the kitchen, I walked in, as he was taking off his belt.
“Hey, I hope you like your room. I thought it suited you.” Shane said, walking to my room, expelling me from those horrible thoughts of the past. His voice faded at the end, as he saw the tears coming from my eyes. I didn’t see him, I just felt his arms wrap around me, enfolding me in warmth and comfort, I put my arms around him, and buried my head in his chest, just letting it all out. He didn’t say anything, just held me. I was thankful. At this moment I didn’t care who he was I just wanted to feel safe, just for a little a while.
After a few minutes, I gained control, and slowly unwrapped myself of his arms, pulling back, and leaning on the headboard. “Sorry you had to see that. I didn’t mean for you to.” I told him softly.
“I told you, I will be here for you, no matter what. If you need someone to depend on I’m here.” He told me in just as quiet voice moving slowly to lean beside me.
“Why do you care for me?” I asked him slowly.
“If I told you, would you believe me?”
“I believe a lot things, and the fact that I haven’t woken up from this dream, is a good sign. After all your dreams that you sent to me I will believe anything.” I told him truthfully.
He smiled slightly, and started to slowly, tell me the truth. “This isn’t a dream, I promise. I don’t know how to prove it. I will tell you that your step dad will never touch again. You won’t have to see him ever again, I guarantee it. You don’t have to be scared; I won’t hurt you, like he did…”
“Shut-up! I don’t want to hear that you won’t do this or this; I just want to hear the truth, about why you care so much about me. A girl that lost her family, and had to go to a foster home, were everything that could go wrong did. Why would you want to help someone I an alley, where there about to end their lives, to go somewhere better. I just want an answer, not what you’re going or not going to do.” I spat at him angrily, in disbelief that he would bring any of my past up, he doesn’t even know me.
“Fine. You want an answer, I’ll give you one. I love you.” He paused for a moment to read my face, which was in total disbelief. I had never been loved this way. I was shocked. “Ever since I saw you being born in Texas, I knew it. You were beautiful, and you fought so hard just to stay alive, I knew that you were always going to be a fighter and that every once a while you would crash, and hit rock bottom, but you would make it through. You’ve made it through once now, I know you can make it one more time, but I need to know can you trust me?”
I looked at him in total disbelief, how could you have known about my birth or depression; before my parents were killed, and how could he even remember anything like that, at that age. “How did you know about me? How do you remember all the way back to my birth, and how do you know about my depression?” I asked him, stuttering through it.
He looked at me, sadness covering his eyes. “Don’t run. I promise I won’t hurt you.” If I wasn’t on edge before, I now was. “I am a vampire, and I saw you that day, because my best friend was killed,
and yes, he was a human. Ever since that day, I’ve been following you to make sure you were safe.”
“Is that how you went into my dreams?” He shook his head yes. “You followed me to make sure I was safe?” he shook his head yes, again. “When was I ever safe this past year? How?” my voice kept rising, until it was in a shout. “When that bastard beat me those nights, and left me on the floor to bleed to death, or was it when he …” My voice stopped, I couldn’t say it allowed, I would get whipped even worse if I ever saw him again.
“I’m sorry Alyssa, I would’ve got you out of there faster, but I ran into some complications. What did he do? I wasn’t here. I was busy.” He told me, staring at a wall.
“I’ll give you a deal; I’ll tell you if you tell me what you were doing.” I told him, I wasn’t just going to plain out tell him, I had to get something in return.
“I can’t tell you. It would break the rules.” He told me still staring at the wall.
“Well then I can’t tell you.” I said simply. He shook his head in understanding.
He looked at the wall for a second, regaining his poseur I guessed, “Why don’t I show you the rest of the house. I think you will like it.” He said standing up. He took my hand pulling me to my feet, sending my flailing body into his rock hard chest. My head just met his chest.
“Can I clean up first?” I asked him, still slightly scared for some reason, maybe it was that he was a vampire, or could it be that I’m falling for him, way to fast. The last time I was in a relationship I got hurt.
“Of course, and Alyssa there’s nothing to be scared of I promise.” He told me, pulling me into a warm hug. I leaned against him for support, trying to keep my composure. How did he know? How did he read my mind?
“How?” I whispered to him.
“Well, every vampire is born with something special, mine was mind reading. I can choose to read minds, or not, your expression was too much for me, I had to” He laughed aloud. I smiled a little, but hated that he could read my mind, that would mean that he could know.
“Please don’t anymore, I like my space.” I told him,
“Okay, and no, I haven’t read it before, well I did once right after the fire, but all I got was blabbering of nothing. The bathroom is through the door beside your bed, take as long as you need. There are clothes in a closet in there; I think I got your sizes, and style right. I will wait in here.” He said to me sitting down on the bed, looking at me expectantly to go. I turned my back, and rushed into the bathroom, to find a bathroom that I loved even more then my room.
I knew that the bathroom was going to be my sanctuary, along with my room. The bathroom was like an ocean, with blues mixing all around me, letting me get lost in a sea of light, and then my favorite part of the wall, a sun, painted showering me in warmth. Oranges, and reds mixed perfectly with the blue. I don’t know how he knew that my favorite place in the world was the beach, where all my worries would wash away. My eyes traveled around to find even more then I expected. I had thrones room, a steam shower, and a Jacuzzi full of jets. I squealed in excitement, and heard a quiet laugh from the other side of the door.
That’s when I noticed the dreaded wall. The thing that I’ve hated for a long time, a mirror, covering a whole wall of the bathroom. I looked at it in disgust, not for what it was, but what I saw. Standing before me was a 16 year old girl, with brown hair in mats atop my head, along with bones sticking out everywhere, showing my thinness off even more then what it should. Then the part that I hated the most the scars covering every inch of her body, baring her life story on her arms, legs, back, everywhere. That’s when I looked down at me, and saw that girl was me, not someone else. I wanted to see the girl from six months ago, the one going strong, and she was happy. I wanted to be happy again, but I knew that would never happen.
As soon as I thought about my past I turned around, and regretted ever looking at my reflection, or bringing up something that I can’t have again. I stripped out of my clothes quickly, a black shirt stained with my blood, and a pair of blue jeans two or three sizes to big for me. I threw them to a corner of the room, vowing to never look at them again. I immediately turned and ran to the shower, turning it on to be met with freezing cold water, I jumped a little but I was used to it. My body was freezing but it warmed up pretty quickly, making me start to relax even more. I washed my hair with a apple scented shampoo and conditioner. As the water ran down the my body washing away my past, or at least the physical part, the water was a mix of red and brown.
I don’t know how long I stayed in there; finally I left the warmth, and wrapped up in a big, comfy white towel. Walking into the closet I found everything that I love, from Hollister, to Rue 21. Everything that I would have worn the past six months was here. Everything came flooding back at me, all the memories of the past, and then the realization that the guy that took me in is a vampire, and I’m trusting him with my life. I’m going to die. I guess I lead a good life, and now there won’t be that much pain. My knees gave out from underneath me, sending me crashing to the fall. Everything crashed around me, avalanches piled onto my brain, full of memories of everything.
“Alyssa, Alyssa.” My mom called to me downstairs, forcing me to get up from typing to Mercedes on the computer. “Come down here real quick I have something to show you.” It axially sounded like she was happy about this thing, it must be something good. I raced down stairs, to find my mom with my dad leaning against the counter smiles plastered on their faces. “Alyssa,” my mom starts slowly. “We have a surprise for you.” I wait with round eyes, when my dad reaches into his back pocket revealing an envelope with the insignia of British Airways, airline service to take me across the ocean blue I hoped. I screamed jumping up and down with excitement, “Alyssa, we have agreed to let you go to Europe, and England on a few requirements. They are…” I stopped listening to my mom all I heard was, I was going to England.
I screamed in excitement till I heard the man of nightmares come in, “Hello whore, where is my dinner. I’m hungry.” My so called foster dad asked me, or told me realistically. I set about doing his dinner, thinking ‘How can I go from my parents telling me the good news to be about to be beat.’ All of sudden I felt a sharp pain to my cheek, and another, and another. I fell to the floor, but don’t remember how hard my body hit.
“Ahh.” I moaned as I sat up in my bed. My head hurt a lot, for some reason.
“You gave me quite a scare there you know.” A guy beside me said, I looked up at him, and that is when it all came back to me, Shane, a vampire was sitting beside me, ready to drink my blood and I axially let him take me to his home. Wow I am an idiot. Who does he think I am, some schoolgirl that will believe anything.
“Prove it.” I challenged.
“Fine, do you want to change first, or are you good in that?” He asked, as I looked down at myself, in soccer shorts, and a shirt. “I would recommend something warmer, it is a tad bit cold out, and I’m sorry that I had to change you, but I promise I didn’t look.” He told me, and then under his breath, “That much.”
“okay, give me a minute.” I told him, getting up off the bed, and racing to the bathroom. Entering the closet, I closed the door, and forced myself to think of something else, and not of my past. I thought of the fact, was he a real vampire? They don’t exist, right? I kept thinking about this as I went through the closet, and found a pair of blue jeans that were loose while not baggy perfect for me. Along with a blue long sleeve American Eagle shirt, one of my favorites, that I saw in the store a few weeks back.
I returned to my room to find him on the couch waiting for me. “Hey,” he said as I entered. “You still don’t believe me do you?”
“Nope.” I told him, standing a few feet away from him.
“Hmm, I guess I have to change that.” He said, with a grin on his face.
“What?” I asked as I felt his arms constrict around me, swinging me into his chest, and jumping out the window covering the whole wall. “Ahhh.” I screamed, burring my head into his warm chest. I felt his chest shake as he chuckled. As the air rushed around us, sending me into amazement, and a panic attack at the same time.
time to give up? chapter one
Everything that led me to this ally runs through my mind. With a garbage can beside me, I take a peek in and find it full of rotted food from over a week ago, my stomach growls just thinking about food, I don’t even know when I last ate, last week, maybe more. I sit down thinking about what happened, and how I could have saved myself earlier, but I know that I’m just going to have to go back to my hell. The place where my nightmares come to life.
My nightmare started six months ago, when a fire erupted in my house, destroying everyone, and everything. We had a big party that night, my sister, brother, his girlfriend, a set of grandparents, and my whole extended family, except for Meghdi, he was on a trip in Seattle for his work. I had just left the house to grab a movie from our mail. As I faced the street, I heard a loud bang, and then felt myself being lifted off the ground, and carried away from my life. I landed with a bang, on a white truck parked across the road, one that hadn’t moved for a year at least. As I collided with the top of it, I remember hearing someone scream in the distance. I thought it was my mom, but I could never be sure, because as soon as my head hit the top of the truck, I blacked out, waking an hour later in a hospital, to be the told the worst news.
“Alyssa,” started a police officer. I knew what he was going to say, even before he said it, they were dead. They all were. His expression of utter disbelief covered his cleanly shaven face. “I’m sorry, your parents died, along with the rest of your family. I’m so sorry.” He continued to say something but I wasn’t listening. Even though I knew the truth, I couldn’t believe it. I mean just this morning my mom was yelling down the stairs for me to come down and get breakfast, and then around lunch my sister and I played pool for hours on end. It seemed so unreal. ‘They can’t be dead.’ Kept going through my mind, but when I looked up at the officer, I knew it was true. His brown eyes held remorse, for having to tell me this. He probably drew the short straw. Moisture feel down my face, and it kept going. I’ve never cried in my life, I never had reason to. This was the first time, of many more on coming times. Silently, the police officer left without a word, leaving me in my misery. That night, I cried myself to sleep, hoping that this was all a bad dream.
In the ally, full of rodents small and big, I cried to myself, for the millionth time. The past brings tears, the present means reliving everything, and the future just means more pain. I lay down on the barren concrete, trembling from the cold I tried to go to sleep, but nothing would let me sleep, the noises of the clubs just a few streets down could be heard, at five A.M. New York never slept, meaning I can never sleep. I wish I had my IPod. My foster dad took it and sold it on e-bay. It always took away my fears, from nervousness of being caught by the police sleeping in the park, or as simple as a thunderstorm. It lulled me to sleep, when nothing else did. ‘I wish I could sleep forever, and never have to go back, to the place of misery.’ It ran through my head, as if giving me the go ahead for this. I lost everything, my family, my innocence, and three months ago, my friends, when I had to move from the best place in the world. Texas. I have nothing to lose.
Reaching into my adidas backpack, I take out the knife I used to escape from my hell. It will help my escape forever. I bring it up high above my head, to bring it down hard on my chest, to end it once and for all. To mix my step dads blood with mine. My hand climbs downward toward my chest, sending cold air through my thin jacket sleeve, sending shivers through my body, but not stopping me from my destination. My cold, lifeless heart and body. My soul has gone to heaven I need to join it.
Suddenly, two hands grab mine, stopping me from ending my shitty life. My hands get even colder, as I realize that this person’s hands are freezing. I look up to be met with scorching ocean blue eyes. He looks upset at himself, and scared. I don’t know why. I mean nothing to anyone, and it would be better if I was dead. How many times have I been told that, but to scared to axially attempt this. He grips both of my fists in one of his hands, and takes the knife with the other, he snarls at me as he releases it has blood on it. He looks at me, and then flings it away, far away. He drops my hands and tries to grab my waist, but I scurry out of the way, before he can touch me. He looks at me with sadness burning through his eyes. “I will not hurt you I just want to help, and get you some where safe. Please trust me.” He tells me in this voice that makes me want to believe him. He looks only a year or two older than me, maybe eighteen, and he can protect me with his muscles on his arms, he would make me feel safe. I want to trust him, but I’ve been hurt to many times, and guys only have one thing on their mind, no matter what age. Sex.
“I’m sorry I can’t. I just can’t trust someone I don’t know.” I tell him. But what I told him wasn’t true, I had seen him before. In my dreams, and every time I met him he would tell me everything would be okay soon, but he would leave immediately after that.
“Don’t you remember at least one dream, from the twenty I sent you? Don’t you remember me telling you to just hang on, till I could be there, to save you? Don’t you remember me telling you that everything would be alright. Do you remember any of it?” He asked me staring deep into my hazel eyes, as I tried to look away from his dark blue eyes, like a sea in a storm.
With tears forming again, I lied the best I could, “You’re crazy. I never had any of those dreams, and right now this has to be a dream. Every week I dream about escaping from the bastard that holds me captive every night, but guess what, it’s a dream, and never will be true.” Tears now freely feel down my face.
He stepped towards me gently, and surprisingly, I didn’t back away. “Please don’t lie to me. You remember don’t you, but you’re scared that I’m like your foster dad. I will never hurt you, mentally, or physically. Please just let me help you. Just come with me, I can give you some where safe to stay. Somewhere that you won’t jump at every sound.” He took one more step towards me, nearly touching my hand. Grabbing my hand in his and kissing it lightly. “I can give you a home of your own, I can give you whatever you desire.” He looked into my eyes the whole time, reading them. I was falling for him, and I wanted to trust him, so bad. “You’re tired, and hungry, let me take you to get something to eat, then you can decide to either come with me, or go back to the streets. Is that okay?”
I debated back and forth in my head, I hadn’t eaten for a while, and anything would be better then what was in the garbage can. I looked up at his eyes, to see him reading my every expression. “okay.” I told him simply. He smiled and took my hand as we walked away from the ally. To a new life, I hoped.
My nightmare started six months ago, when a fire erupted in my house, destroying everyone, and everything. We had a big party that night, my sister, brother, his girlfriend, a set of grandparents, and my whole extended family, except for Meghdi, he was on a trip in Seattle for his work. I had just left the house to grab a movie from our mail. As I faced the street, I heard a loud bang, and then felt myself being lifted off the ground, and carried away from my life. I landed with a bang, on a white truck parked across the road, one that hadn’t moved for a year at least. As I collided with the top of it, I remember hearing someone scream in the distance. I thought it was my mom, but I could never be sure, because as soon as my head hit the top of the truck, I blacked out, waking an hour later in a hospital, to be the told the worst news.
“Alyssa,” started a police officer. I knew what he was going to say, even before he said it, they were dead. They all were. His expression of utter disbelief covered his cleanly shaven face. “I’m sorry, your parents died, along with the rest of your family. I’m so sorry.” He continued to say something but I wasn’t listening. Even though I knew the truth, I couldn’t believe it. I mean just this morning my mom was yelling down the stairs for me to come down and get breakfast, and then around lunch my sister and I played pool for hours on end. It seemed so unreal. ‘They can’t be dead.’ Kept going through my mind, but when I looked up at the officer, I knew it was true. His brown eyes held remorse, for having to tell me this. He probably drew the short straw. Moisture feel down my face, and it kept going. I’ve never cried in my life, I never had reason to. This was the first time, of many more on coming times. Silently, the police officer left without a word, leaving me in my misery. That night, I cried myself to sleep, hoping that this was all a bad dream.
In the ally, full of rodents small and big, I cried to myself, for the millionth time. The past brings tears, the present means reliving everything, and the future just means more pain. I lay down on the barren concrete, trembling from the cold I tried to go to sleep, but nothing would let me sleep, the noises of the clubs just a few streets down could be heard, at five A.M. New York never slept, meaning I can never sleep. I wish I had my IPod. My foster dad took it and sold it on e-bay. It always took away my fears, from nervousness of being caught by the police sleeping in the park, or as simple as a thunderstorm. It lulled me to sleep, when nothing else did. ‘I wish I could sleep forever, and never have to go back, to the place of misery.’ It ran through my head, as if giving me the go ahead for this. I lost everything, my family, my innocence, and three months ago, my friends, when I had to move from the best place in the world. Texas. I have nothing to lose.
Reaching into my adidas backpack, I take out the knife I used to escape from my hell. It will help my escape forever. I bring it up high above my head, to bring it down hard on my chest, to end it once and for all. To mix my step dads blood with mine. My hand climbs downward toward my chest, sending cold air through my thin jacket sleeve, sending shivers through my body, but not stopping me from my destination. My cold, lifeless heart and body. My soul has gone to heaven I need to join it.
Suddenly, two hands grab mine, stopping me from ending my shitty life. My hands get even colder, as I realize that this person’s hands are freezing. I look up to be met with scorching ocean blue eyes. He looks upset at himself, and scared. I don’t know why. I mean nothing to anyone, and it would be better if I was dead. How many times have I been told that, but to scared to axially attempt this. He grips both of my fists in one of his hands, and takes the knife with the other, he snarls at me as he releases it has blood on it. He looks at me, and then flings it away, far away. He drops my hands and tries to grab my waist, but I scurry out of the way, before he can touch me. He looks at me with sadness burning through his eyes. “I will not hurt you I just want to help, and get you some where safe. Please trust me.” He tells me in this voice that makes me want to believe him. He looks only a year or two older than me, maybe eighteen, and he can protect me with his muscles on his arms, he would make me feel safe. I want to trust him, but I’ve been hurt to many times, and guys only have one thing on their mind, no matter what age. Sex.
“I’m sorry I can’t. I just can’t trust someone I don’t know.” I tell him. But what I told him wasn’t true, I had seen him before. In my dreams, and every time I met him he would tell me everything would be okay soon, but he would leave immediately after that.
“Don’t you remember at least one dream, from the twenty I sent you? Don’t you remember me telling you to just hang on, till I could be there, to save you? Don’t you remember me telling you that everything would be alright. Do you remember any of it?” He asked me staring deep into my hazel eyes, as I tried to look away from his dark blue eyes, like a sea in a storm.
With tears forming again, I lied the best I could, “You’re crazy. I never had any of those dreams, and right now this has to be a dream. Every week I dream about escaping from the bastard that holds me captive every night, but guess what, it’s a dream, and never will be true.” Tears now freely feel down my face.
He stepped towards me gently, and surprisingly, I didn’t back away. “Please don’t lie to me. You remember don’t you, but you’re scared that I’m like your foster dad. I will never hurt you, mentally, or physically. Please just let me help you. Just come with me, I can give you some where safe to stay. Somewhere that you won’t jump at every sound.” He took one more step towards me, nearly touching my hand. Grabbing my hand in his and kissing it lightly. “I can give you a home of your own, I can give you whatever you desire.” He looked into my eyes the whole time, reading them. I was falling for him, and I wanted to trust him, so bad. “You’re tired, and hungry, let me take you to get something to eat, then you can decide to either come with me, or go back to the streets. Is that okay?”
I debated back and forth in my head, I hadn’t eaten for a while, and anything would be better then what was in the garbage can. I looked up at his eyes, to see him reading my every expression. “okay.” I told him simply. He smiled and took my hand as we walked away from the ally. To a new life, I hoped.
the cold one part one
Whenever I was younger my dad would say the same thing, after I had one of my many nightmares, “Nothing will happen to you. I will always be here.” As I look around the two bedroom apartment I know he never will be back, it is impossible. He died right in front of my eyes. I still have nightmares every night that I fall asleep. Every time I fall asleep I think that the man in black is going to walk through my door again, and kill the two people that matter to me. My little brother and sister which were curled up on the on twin mattress, sleeping peacefully for the first time this week. It was, depending on how you looked at it, fortunate that I got adopted by a nurse from the hospital, and I found them, they pulled me out of my depression. My mom was kidnapped right after my dad died, I haven’t seen her since, but I never stop searching. Every day I travel to the grocery store or school or daycare, I look hoping to catch a glimpse of her beautiful brown hair, and hazel eyes that always had love buried deep inside of them.
“Alyssa, Alyssa.” Ian, my little brother calls out to me, searching for my presence that would make him feel safe enough to fall asleep in this place we have to call home. I looked over at him to find the same blond haired blue eyed three year old boy staring me at with fear in his eyes. I inched closer to him, being careful to not wake Hannah my four year old sister, wrapping my hands around his thin body, I pulled him close, as I whispered into his hair.
“Everything is fine, I am here. She can’t hurt you ever again. I will always be here to protect you from her. Go to sleep, like I promised the first day I met you, I will not sleep. I will protect you no matter what. Sleep.” I continued whispering that everything would be alright, and eventually he fell asleep in my arms, carefully, so not to wake him, I layed him down on the bed, tucking him in, and sliding off the bed. I knew tomorrow was going to be a long day, since I had to convince my coach to help me with them. My foster mom is not who she seems. At work she is nice as can be, but at home it is a completely different situation. She still calls me girl, and expects me to take care of these kids. After the first day when she didn’t feed them, I knew it was my duty to protect them from her, from life.
“Alyssa, Alyssa.” Ian, my little brother calls out to me, searching for my presence that would make him feel safe enough to fall asleep in this place we have to call home. I looked over at him to find the same blond haired blue eyed three year old boy staring me at with fear in his eyes. I inched closer to him, being careful to not wake Hannah my four year old sister, wrapping my hands around his thin body, I pulled him close, as I whispered into his hair.
“Everything is fine, I am here. She can’t hurt you ever again. I will always be here to protect you from her. Go to sleep, like I promised the first day I met you, I will not sleep. I will protect you no matter what. Sleep.” I continued whispering that everything would be alright, and eventually he fell asleep in my arms, carefully, so not to wake him, I layed him down on the bed, tucking him in, and sliding off the bed. I knew tomorrow was going to be a long day, since I had to convince my coach to help me with them. My foster mom is not who she seems. At work she is nice as can be, but at home it is a completely different situation. She still calls me girl, and expects me to take care of these kids. After the first day when she didn’t feed them, I knew it was my duty to protect them from her, from life.
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