time to give up? chapter one

Everything that led me to this ally runs through my mind. With a garbage can beside me, I take a peek in and find it full of rotted food from over a week ago, my stomach growls just thinking about food, I don’t even know when I last ate, last week, maybe more. I sit down thinking about what happened, and how I could have saved myself earlier, but I know that I’m just going to have to go back to my hell. The place where my nightmares come to life.
My nightmare started six months ago, when a fire erupted in my house, destroying everyone, and everything. We had a big party that night, my sister, brother, his girlfriend, a set of grandparents, and my whole extended family, except for Meghdi, he was on a trip in Seattle for his work. I had just left the house to grab a movie from our mail. As I faced the street, I heard a loud bang, and then felt myself being lifted off the ground, and carried away from my life. I landed with a bang, on a white truck parked across the road, one that hadn’t moved for a year at least. As I collided with the top of it, I remember hearing someone scream in the distance. I thought it was my mom, but I could never be sure, because as soon as my head hit the top of the truck, I blacked out, waking an hour later in a hospital, to be the told the worst news.
“Alyssa,” started a police officer. I knew what he was going to say, even before he said it, they were dead. They all were. His expression of utter disbelief covered his cleanly shaven face. “I’m sorry, your parents died, along with the rest of your family. I’m so sorry.” He continued to say something but I wasn’t listening. Even though I knew the truth, I couldn’t believe it. I mean just this morning my mom was yelling down the stairs for me to come down and get breakfast, and then around lunch my sister and I played pool for hours on end. It seemed so unreal. ‘They can’t be dead.’ Kept going through my mind, but when I looked up at the officer, I knew it was true. His brown eyes held remorse, for having to tell me this. He probably drew the short straw. Moisture feel down my face, and it kept going. I’ve never cried in my life, I never had reason to. This was the first time, of many more on coming times. Silently, the police officer left without a word, leaving me in my misery. That night, I cried myself to sleep, hoping that this was all a bad dream.
In the ally, full of rodents small and big, I cried to myself, for the millionth time. The past brings tears, the present means reliving everything, and the future just means more pain. I lay down on the barren concrete, trembling from the cold I tried to go to sleep, but nothing would let me sleep, the noises of the clubs just a few streets down could be heard, at five A.M. New York never slept, meaning I can never sleep. I wish I had my IPod. My foster dad took it and sold it on e-bay. It always took away my fears, from nervousness of being caught by the police sleeping in the park, or as simple as a thunderstorm. It lulled me to sleep, when nothing else did. ‘I wish I could sleep forever, and never have to go back, to the place of misery.’ It ran through my head, as if giving me the go ahead for this. I lost everything, my family, my innocence, and three months ago, my friends, when I had to move from the best place in the world. Texas. I have nothing to lose.
Reaching into my adidas backpack, I take out the knife I used to escape from my hell. It will help my escape forever. I bring it up high above my head, to bring it down hard on my chest, to end it once and for all. To mix my step dads blood with mine. My hand climbs downward toward my chest, sending cold air through my thin jacket sleeve, sending shivers through my body, but not stopping me from my destination. My cold, lifeless heart and body. My soul has gone to heaven I need to join it.
Suddenly, two hands grab mine, stopping me from ending my shitty life. My hands get even colder, as I realize that this person’s hands are freezing. I look up to be met with scorching ocean blue eyes. He looks upset at himself, and scared. I don’t know why. I mean nothing to anyone, and it would be better if I was dead. How many times have I been told that, but to scared to axially attempt this. He grips both of my fists in one of his hands, and takes the knife with the other, he snarls at me as he releases it has blood on it. He looks at me, and then flings it away, far away. He drops my hands and tries to grab my waist, but I scurry out of the way, before he can touch me. He looks at me with sadness burning through his eyes. “I will not hurt you I just want to help, and get you some where safe. Please trust me.” He tells me in this voice that makes me want to believe him. He looks only a year or two older than me, maybe eighteen, and he can protect me with his muscles on his arms, he would make me feel safe. I want to trust him, but I’ve been hurt to many times, and guys only have one thing on their mind, no matter what age. Sex.
“I’m sorry I can’t. I just can’t trust someone I don’t know.” I tell him. But what I told him wasn’t true, I had seen him before. In my dreams, and every time I met him he would tell me everything would be okay soon, but he would leave immediately after that.
“Don’t you remember at least one dream, from the twenty I sent you? Don’t you remember me telling you to just hang on, till I could be there, to save you? Don’t you remember me telling you that everything would be alright. Do you remember any of it?” He asked me staring deep into my hazel eyes, as I tried to look away from his dark blue eyes, like a sea in a storm.
With tears forming again, I lied the best I could, “You’re crazy. I never had any of those dreams, and right now this has to be a dream. Every week I dream about escaping from the bastard that holds me captive every night, but guess what, it’s a dream, and never will be true.” Tears now freely feel down my face.
He stepped towards me gently, and surprisingly, I didn’t back away. “Please don’t lie to me. You remember don’t you, but you’re scared that I’m like your foster dad. I will never hurt you, mentally, or physically. Please just let me help you. Just come with me, I can give you some where safe to stay. Somewhere that you won’t jump at every sound.” He took one more step towards me, nearly touching my hand. Grabbing my hand in his and kissing it lightly. “I can give you a home of your own, I can give you whatever you desire.” He looked into my eyes the whole time, reading them. I was falling for him, and I wanted to trust him, so bad. “You’re tired, and hungry, let me take you to get something to eat, then you can decide to either come with me, or go back to the streets. Is that okay?”
I debated back and forth in my head, I hadn’t eaten for a while, and anything would be better then what was in the garbage can. I looked up at his eyes, to see him reading my every expression. “okay.” I told him simply. He smiled and took my hand as we walked away from the ally. To a new life, I hoped.